paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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