just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
