I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
