Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
