In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
