haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
