Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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