How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize