oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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