I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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