Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
