So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
