I feel great
I just peed on a car
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
