U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize