I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
