if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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