bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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