Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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