I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize