I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
