Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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