that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize