ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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