Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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