I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize