i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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