My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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