You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
