So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize