i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
