Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
