and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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