allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
