apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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