so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
