maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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