In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
