Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
