Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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