I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
FUCK WHALES
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