you guys were way drunker than both of me
from now on my penis is your penis
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
