I showed him my bush... on skype.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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