Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
did i just pee glitter
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
