i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
