if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
