i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
