Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
