im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
