Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
