Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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