It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
