Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
