Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
