I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
