Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
