i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
