Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
