shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
