you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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