She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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