when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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