She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
