We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
