i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
