Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
