I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
